


Fall Into Me

by Nadja_Lee



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Assertive Jace Wayland, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Dom/sub Undertones, Dominating Jace Wayland, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, Humor, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Jace Wayland, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Laughter, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Moving On, Oral Sex, Parabatai Bond, Past Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Possessive Jace Wayland, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Jace Wayland, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Self-Sacrificing Alec Lightwood, Sex, Shy Alec Lightwood, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Jace Wayland, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:47:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23212753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Magnus broke up with Alec after the Soul Sword episode, Jace is trying to deal with being back from the dead and doing so very poorly. Luckily, Alec is there to help him but it puts a huge strain on Alec. One evening Jace finds out just what sacrifices Alec has been doing to keep him safe and realizes Alec is the one who has always been there for him. But can and will Alec believe him when Jace says he sees him now, finally, as more than his parabatai after all of these years?Goes AU by the end of season 2 as in Magnus and Alec never gets back together and Jace and Clary never get back together.Pure romantic fluff. With some sex and a little angst.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 34
Kudos: 1028





	Fall Into Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Miss_Shiva_Adler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Shiva_Adler/gifts).



> Thanks much to Cindy for great and quick beta as always  
> Thanks so much to Regina for the art.  
> Story warnings: [SPOILERS]: Referenced child abuse, self-harm and toreture/punishment, Almost self-harm (cutting) but not shown/detailed, slightly dominating sex, loads of fluff too though. Read the tags.  
> Go to the middle of the fic if you are only here for the sex ;)  
> You DID notice this was a Jalec fic, right? Ok, good. Then proceed. Remember to always read all tags.

_Please read the chapter notes for detailed warnings._

# Fall Into Me

It had been some difficult four weeks for Alec to put it mildly. First Magnus had broken up with him because he hadn’t told him about the Soul Sword, then Jace had died and come back to life and had first told him about that weeks later when he kept coming to his room because he had nightmares and couldn’t sleep. Jace wasn’t handling it all very well but like always he was outgoing in his self-destruction and Alec was starting to lose count the times he had gone to pick him up from one bar or another, too drunk to find his way back home on his own and trying to start fights with anyone and everyone. Even drunk beyond belief, Jace would win any fight and that fact made him increasingly reckless.

The Clave was breathing down his neck and he was still trying to get all the demons that had escaped when Jonathan had been killed sent back to whatever Hell dimension they had escaped from. However, no matter how busy he was Jace’s health was still foremost on his mind, so he was making it a point to check on Jace every night. Often he would offer Jace to come sleep in his room so Jace could do so without having to admit he had nightmares and couldn’t sleep otherwise. More often than not Alec would find Jace had gone drinking and so he would have to go find him; luckily, Jace’s ability to close his side of their parabatai bond lessened the more he drank so Alec could easily track him down.

The Clave of course needed someone to blame for this whole disaster and Alec had to keep the secret that Jace had come back by using the angel’s one wish. That was particularly lovely as the Clave loved to threaten with using the Soul Sword on him if his reports were just the tiniest bit imprecise. The Clave had threatened to get him to hold the Soul Sword to testify he had done everything he could to go through official channels this time with regard to Jonathan, Valentine and everything that had followed. He had to admit the Clave was right that the New York Institute had a particularly large amount of trouble and that trouble seemed to center around Clary, Jace and everyone circling those two. So to avoid the Soul Sword which he knew would mean he would have had to betray Jace, Alec had instead offered to just accept whatever blame they chose and shoulder whatever punishment they wanted, personally.

The Clave suggested either he could step down as leader of the Institute or he could take physical punishment and accept their increased scrutiny in the running of the Institute. He had chosen the latter. He was no longer with Magnus and he was unsure if the Warlock would ever forgive him despite the many ways and attempts he had made to say sorry. Despite that, Alec still cared deeply for the Downworlder community and him staying as leader of the New York Institute was the best chance for real peace and justice in the Shadow World; his only way to try and do whatever he could to push for change. He was both grateful and annoyed when he had found that Lorenzo Rey had become High Warlock instead of Magnus. His very last peace offering to Magnus though had been to make it clear that in terms of sitting on the Council Idris wanted Magnus back. Faced with this, not knowing he was bluffing and could make no such demands and that the Clave certainly didn’t care either way, the Warlocks had re-elected Magnus. It was hard seeing Magnus at the Council meetings but somehow Alec survived because didn’t he always somehow survive?

It was weird how much emotional pain someone could be in and no one could tell. It was oddly comforting to Alec then when the Clave had told him his punishment would be the physical aspect of the Agony Rune. Alec had been relieved when they had agreed to his request of putting a blocker on his parabatai rune before the punishment began so Jace would not be alerted to what was happening. After hours of excruciating torture, all the blood, broken bones, all the torn flesh and the loss of his voice from screaming…everything disappeared with just a few iratzes as if nothing had happened. He had returned to the Institute late that day and no one had known what had happened. That oddly made him feel better; knowing that even this extreme physical torment were so easy to hide.

Alec had thrown himself into his work and the hardliners in the Clave who wanted to see him fail, who hated him for being gay, hated him for his approach to Downworlders, did everything they could to trip him up. He was being buried in requests and meetings and so many documents he was sure a small forest had disappeared. It was now two weeks since he had taken the punishment, four weeks since Jace had returned from the dead, three weeks since Jace had finally told him the truth….and Alec was running on fumes. He was sleeping maybe 3 or 4 hours, using his nourishment, stamina and strength runes continuously. The strain was starting to show around his eyes and his hands would shake ever so slightly. So far, no one had noticed and Alec did what he could to keep it like that.

When his mind was not on running the Institute, he was worrying about Jace and his nightmares about Jonathan. However, sleeping in his room, in his bed, as Jace had done when he had been ten and he had just come to live with them…that seemed to help. Jace told him that being close to Alec, just touching his hand during the night…it made the nightmares go away. It made the illusion of Jonathan go away. Alec had a theory it was likely due to the parabatai bond; that being physically connected to him meant Jace could pull more on Alec’s soul and could thus better shield his own.

What Alec never told Jace was how being so close to him was affecting him. He knew Jace knew he had had a crush on him and Alec had had to accept Jace was straight; he would never see him like that. However, having Jace in his bed again now, for the first time since they had been kids…it was beyond difficult. He had loved Magnus, of course he had….but that hadn’t meant he had stopped loving Jace. He had just accepted he would never have him and having Magnus had meant he hadn’t minded that fact any longer.

Having Jace so close and yet not having him, seeing Jace struggle like he was…it was hard. He had thought Jace would have gotten back together with Clary but he had not felt it would be fair in his current state. Alec had pretended he was more than fine with being there for Jace as a friend, a parabatai….a brother. But thing was….he wasn’t a brother. He had never been a brother. He had been this amazing, perfect handsome young boy who had jumped suddenly into his miserable life when he had been 12 and had stolen his heart and who still very much owned it.

However, Jace didn’t want his heart and Alec could never let him know how all of this was affecting him. He had to be strong. For Jace, for Clary, for Izzy, for the Institute…for everyone.

During the day, he often managed to pretend he was strong; that he could do it. Today Andrew, a new transfer whom he spoke quite well with and had therefore made his second at the Institute, had told him he was gay and had started dating the Warlock Lorenzo Rey. Which was fine with Alec but it turned out that Andrew’s secret was out and he had found his room trashed and some of his things broken, homophobic and discriminating slurs painted on the walls. Alec had taken time to comfort Andrew and told him he had been the target of jokes, whispered comments or other ill veiled homophobic taunts as well and that he knew knowing he was not alone in this didn’t mean it wasn’t still difficult. As Alec didn’t know who the guilty person or persons were he had no one to punish so he instead tried to make a plan for how to address intolerance on a general level at the Institute. Then someone had been injured on a mission, the servers had gone down in the operations room, the chef had taken ill….and then the Clave had demanded his attention at a meeting and reports and more reports for them on various topics. It was now almost 23:30 at night and he was finally back in his room. It wasn’t that anything particularly bad had happened; it was just all getting to be too much.

He had looked in on Jace, sleeping in the room next to his, and as he seemed ok and actually sleeping for once, he had gone to his own room. He looked at himself in the mirror in his bathroom. He looked tired and drained. He considered if he should activate his runes again; he hadn’t worked out today yet and as any other Shadowhunter it had literally been beaten into him since he had been a child that he should train every day. He had skipped all meals today as well so he needed the nourishment rune anyway and he could just do one hour of training now and then go to sleep. His room had a bedroom and a bathroom and nothing else, but he had had a punching bag attached to the ceiling in one side of the bedroom when he had become Head of the Institute when he had started to realize he would rarely get time to train otherwise.

Alec’s right hand on his steele shook slightly until he activated the stamina, strength and nourishment runes. He felt refreshed at once and stood up straight in front of the mirror. He looked much better now, less drained. He put his steele back in his pocket and took a deep breath, trying to find some measure of peace. During the day, he was normally all right, mentally. He was so busy, so drained, the Clave trying in every way to push him over the edge and he doing his damnest to meet them blow by blow, that his mind was filled with only this. Now, alone in his room, it all washed over him. Losing Magnus because he had been an idiot and had lied, his responsibilities he was struggling to carry alone, his fear for Jace’s sanity which only his own physical presence seemed to lessen…the feel of Jace’s hand in his when he slept in his bed, the smell of him; pine and ocean, the sound of his breathing. It was as if the more Jace slept here the more Alec couldn’t sleep when he wasn’t here. He tried to be strong and not show Jace it affected him. The last thing Jace needed now was finding out that Alec had never gotten over him.

He wanted to be strong. He wanted to. However, alone like this, he felt the whole weight of the world and it was too much. Looking into the mirror, he saw he had tears at the corners of his eyes and he was hearing his father’s words echo at the back of his mind telling him that _boys don’t cry_. He angrily wiped around the tears and fought to breathe, to calm down. He felt this huge emptiness inside. He felt so useless. What use was it all anyway? He didn’t have Magnus. He didn’t have Jace and what was worse…Jace was suffering.

Needing to move past this moment, this spiral of self-hatred and doubt and pain that was clouding his mind, Alec reached for the one solution that had always worked for him. Magnus had figured that out early. He had told him that he hurt himself on the outside to distract himself from the pain within. How right he had been. Jace was outgoing in his self-destruction; Alec brought it all inside, in on himself. He would normally do it by injuring himself during training, as it was an accepted Shadowhunter injury; it was respectful. Since he didn’t want to wait and do it during his exercise routine, Alec took out his old-fashioned razor from the medicine cabinet on the bathroom wall and unfolded the blade. He took a deep breath and was calmed just by looking at it, knowing the peace he would feel afterwards. He quickly stripped down to his boxers and sat on the edge of the bathtub, looking at the scars on his inner thighs. As Magnus had been his only lover only he had seen the scars. These scars, these injuries, were not honorable for Shadowhunters to bear and while the cutting brought a sense of peace to his troubled mind, the act itself was filled with shame. However, growing up gay in a homophobic society he had gotten used to feeling shame and humiliation. He took the open razor close to his right thigh, the blade inches from his skin.

“What are you doing?”

Alec’s head flew up and he saw Jace standing in the doorway, his eyes narrowed in concern and curiosity as he nodded towards the razor in his hand, his arms crossed over his chest. He was only in boxers, having clearly woken up and come here. Alec had forgotten he had given Jace a key to his room so he could always come if he needed to since his presence seemed to smooth the nightmares and make his Jonathan illusions disappear.

“Jace!” Alec exclaimed in shock, blushing in shame. He quickly rose and folded the razor together and put it back into the medicine cabinet.

“So?” Jace pressed when Alec didn’t speak.

“Nothing,” Alec assured him as he closed the medicine cabinet and walked past him out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. He had a small desk and chair but only one chair so he sat on the end of the bed.

“Nothing?” Jace repeated disbelieving, following him and sat down next to him on the bed.

“Are you ok? You look tied. Are you still having nightmares?” Alec asked concerned, looking at his parabatai with worried eyes, ignoring Jace’s questions and fears. That wasn’t important anyway. What was important was Jace. Jace had always been important; the most important thing to him.

“Are you?” Jace asked pointedly, giving him a piercing look.

“I’m fine,” Alec insisted and fought not to pull back when Jace leaned closer, suddenly very aware they were both in their boxers.

Alec tried not to look at Jace’s muscular chest and legs and….he tried to think of something really disturbing to distract himself. This close and only in boxers Jace would quickly be able to tell if he got excited. However, the more he thought about not getting excited the more he was thinking about Jace’s body and how it would feel against his and….fuck, stop it!

“Are you?” Jace asked quietly, worried, so close and yet he wasn’t touching him.

Alec licked his lips and fought to calm his breathing. He nodded as he assured him again, “Yes.”

Jace pulled back a bit and Alec could breathe again until he asked crudely, direct as always, “So you always cut yourself when you are fine?”

Alec’s heart sank and he looked away, embarrassed.

“You saw that,” Alec mumbled. _Damnit!_

Jace nodded grimly, “Yeah.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Alec told him flatly when he turned back to look at him.

Jace gave him a look Alec couldn’t decipher but then said, “Ok.”

Alec wasn’t sure why he let it go so quickly but he was relieved and grateful.

“Have you been sleeping at all?” Alec asked, worried.

“Only when I am with you,” Jace admitted, looking at bit sheepish as he said it.

Despite knowing how it tortured him emotionally to have Jace here, sleeping with him, there was never any doubt or hesitation in Alec’s mind.

“Then come. Sleep here again. I don’t mind,” Alec readily offered, the way he always did to Jace, with everything.

Alec made a hand wave towards the left side of the bed where Jace preferred to sleep. He tried not to think of it as Jace’s side of the bed but since Jace had slept here, with him, every night, partly or whole, since he had been killed and returned from the dead four weeks ago it was getting hard not to think that.

“Is it just that you don’t mind?” Jace asked, giving him an intense look Alec didn’t understand.

“What do you mean?” Alec asked, guarded, unsure what he was asking.

“Do you want me to stay?” Jace asked directly.

“In my room? Of course. You can always stay. You always have. You know that,” Alec reassured him.

Jace sighed and then gave him a fond look.

“That’s my point. You have always taken care of me,” Jace said tenderly.

The care and affection in Jace’s eyes made warmth spread through Alec’s body but also pain as always because Alec knew Jace didn’t love him like he did; he never had.

“You’re my parabatai,” Alec explained, looking away as he used the same old lie he always had.

Jace took a grip on Alec’s chin and turned his head back towards him, tipping his face up a bit so Alec was looking at him.

“You love me,” Jace concluded.

Alec pulled out of his grip, feeling like a deer caught in headlights.

“Of course I love you, Jace,” Alec reassured him, trying to sound matter of fact even though his heart was racing.

“I….I think I love you too,” Jace told him softly, looking down for a moment before he looked at him, smiling.

Alec felt like he had gone to heaven only to be dropped back in Hell. Jace loved him....but not like that; never like that. Of course not like that. He had had his chance for love with Magnus and he had fucked it up. No one would ever love him again; he was not someone who people loved. Jace was someone people loved; the golden boy, the best warrior of his generation. Strong, perfect golden Jace. Not him. Never him.

Alec forced a smile and stood up, going to his wardrobe and getting towels out for tomorrow’s shower even though he could have done that tomorrow, putting them over the one chair in the room, needing the distraction so not to have to look at Jace.

“Great. Good we got that settled,” he said, fighting to sound light and casual but he noticed his hands on the towels were shaking slightly and he knew this time it was not from any physical strain.

Suddenly Jace was behind him, he could feel his heat, his presence. It made a shiver run up his spine. Jace turned him around to face him with firm hands on his shoulders.

“No, I mean….I think I love **love** you,” Jace told him softly, looking at him as he spoke.

Alec looked away, briefly closing his eyes against the pain.

“Jace….stop that,” he begged.

“What? Why?” Jace asked, confused.

Alec turned back to look at him, taking a shaking breath.

“You are just confused,” Alec told him, his voice breaking a little.

“I’m confused?” Jace repeated slowly, looking puzzled at him.

“You love Clary,” Alec reminded him, pain in his voice, his eyes sad and defeated. He couldn’t win; with Magnus, with Jace, with the Clave, with his parents. He felt like it was all a losing game stacked against him.

“Clary is everything I admire,” Jace admitted and Alec looked even sadder. “She is soft and pure and innocent.”

“So go be with her,” Alec got out, embarrassed he sounded so upset. He softened his voice as he went on, “You deserve to be happy. Go to her.”

Jace gave him an annoyed look at being interrupted.

“But since Valentine killed me and the wish brought me back….I have thought more about it,” Jace admitted.

“Thought about what?” Alec asked, fighting down the hope he was starting to feel.

“That you are the only one who has always been there for me. Even now, with the nightmares and illusions…when I am near you they go away,” Jace explained.

Alec frowned, unsure where he was going with this.

“What do you mean?” Alec asked.

“Since I came to live with you and your parents when I was ten years old you took care of me – letting me sleep in your room when I arrived so I didn’t have nightmares, protected me….even now you come and get me home when I’m drunk…” Jace went on, his hands moving from his shoulders to his hips.

Alec almost stopped breathing, afraid to do anything. The touch wasn’t sexual but it was…intimate in a way Jace had never touched him before. He kept his hands by his sides, unsure what to do, what to think or what to feel.

“Anyone would do that,” Alec told him dismissively, softly, fighting to appear calm.

“No, Alec. Certainly not,” Jace assured him.

“What are you saying?” Alec asked, a hint of frustration and annoyance in his voice.

“You have always taken all the blame for anything that has gone wrong. Don’t think I don’t know how you would always take the blame when Izzy or I did something wrong with your parents and later with the Clave,” Jace went on, a hint of guilt and pain in his voice at remembering this.

“It was my responsibility,” Alec said firmly.

“How was my rebellious ideas, like when Clary first arrived, your responsibility?” Jace questioned, looking truly puzzled at this.

“I’m the oldest,” Alec said as if that explained it all.

“True but then that will always be true,” Jace said with a small smile.

“I’m just happy when you are ok and after what you went through for the first ten years of your life you deserved a break,” Alec said matter of fact, sympathy and love in his eyes.

“And you didn’t? I have not been blind to how you have suffered your whole life, the beatings you had to take, figuratively and literally, for just being you. Your self-sacrifice…for the rest of us,” Jace told him sincerely, compassion and care in his voice.

“I’m fine,” Alec assured him, because he always said that, no matter what he was feeling then he always said that.

“You’re not,” Jace denied.

Alec looked away for a moment, not wanting to lie.

“We were talking about you. The important thing is that you are ok,” Alec told him firmly.

Jace shook his head ruefully.

“Alec, since meeting you the only times I have not been ok has been due to my own stupidity,” Jace told him honestly.

“You’re not stupid! Just…reckless,” Alec protested.

“I know,” Jace said with a smile.

The warmth in Jace’s eyes was becoming too much so Alec pulled away and as soon as Jace let go of his hips he missed the feeling but fought it down.

“Anyway, you can sleep here. It’s no problem,” Alec repeated, nodding towards the left side of the bed, his back to Jace as he fought to compose himself.

Jace went to sit on the end of the bed again and Alec began to fiddle with some papers on his desk, hoping Jace would lie down to sleep so he didn’t have to face him.

“Alec?” Jace called softly.

“Yes?” Alec replied, not turning to look at him.

“Come back here,” Jace asked, his voice still soft and low.

“I…” Alec started to say but then his voice died. What could he say? _I can’t because I love you and I am afraid you will see it? That you will see how much I love you in my eyes? That you will see how much I want you? That you will see how aroused you’re making me?_

“Come sit on the bed,” Jace repeated, a bit stronger.

Alec shook his head, fighting to find a good excuse, “I…”

“Now, Alec,” Jace repeated, interrupting him, his voice strong and commanding.

“Ok, ok,” Alec gave in because at the end of the day he always did whatever Jace wanted. He went to sit next to him on the bed but didn’t look at him.

“So what do you want?” Alec asked.

Jace took a firm grip on his chin and turned his head back towards him, tipping it up once again so Alec was looking at him. Alec had to gasp for breath against the love and desire he could read in Jace’s eyes and expression.

“I am trying, unsuccessfully apparently, to say I want you,” Jace told him, his voice strong and firm.

Alec would have shook his head if he could but Jace was still holding his chin in a firm grip.

“You don’t mean that,” Alec protested, his voice sad.

“I do,” Jace said, his voice still strong and sure.

“No, you don’t,” Alec denied, blushing, looking away.

“You are making it very difficult to seduce you,” Jace complained, his voice warm and filled with humor. Alec tried to pull free from Jace’s grip on his chin as Jace leaned closer to him.

“Sit still,” Jace reprimanded.

Jace leaned even closer, his face now inches from his and Alec panicked. This was everything he had dreamt of for years and yet not. He couldn’t do this. Jace didn’t mean it. He forcefully pulled his chin back and out of Jace’s grip.

“Jace, I can’t, ok?” Alec told him as he rose from the bed, crossing his arms over his chest in an age-old gesture of self-protection, looking down at Jace with agonized eyes.

He knew he was weird about sex; people had sex all the time. It didn’t really matter. It was just to feel good, right? But to Alec sex was about more than that. It was about love and commitment. Magnus and he hadn’t had sex for months, not until those feelings of trust and love had been there.

“Why not? Do you still love Magnus?” Jace asked, hurt in his voice as he looked at him.

“A part of me will likely always love him but it’s not that,” Alec admitted, biting his lower lip until he tasted blood.

“You don’t love me?” Jace asked, looking upset and confused.

Alec shook his head as he replied, “It’s not that.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Jace asked, annoyance in his voice now.

“I can’t do this one time, one night, thing,” Alec admitted, embarrassment and pain in his voice, looking down for a moment before he looked at Jace again.

Jace grinned widely then.

“Who says it is a one-time thing?” Jace asked him, winking seductively at him.

Alec gave him a disbelieving look.

“Because you’re…” Alec spurted, finding it completely ridiculous he had to remind Jace of these things.

“What?” Jace smirked.

Alec felt like smacking him as he said through clashed teeth, “This is just a distraction for you. You’re just confused. You’re not gay.”

Jace actually laughed aloud, annoying Alec even further before he replied, “No, I’m not.”

“See?” Alec said pointedly.

“I’m pansexual,” Jace told him matter of fact.

“I…What?” Alec asked confused, not even sure he knew what the word meant.

“I fall in love first; the gender comes second,” Jace helpfully explained.

Alec felt his mouth was hanging open in shock. Only, it might explain why Jace had been with any kind and any type of girl, Mundanes, Werewolves, Seelies, Vampires….He had probably had a Warlock or two Alec hadn’t known about. But as far as he knew they had still all been girls!

“Why are you doing this to me? Why now?” Alec asked agonized, confused.

Jace gave him an apologetic look as he explained, “I didn’t see it before. I didn’t see **you** before.”

Alec gave him a hard stare, beating down his hope and his bleeding heart with a mental stick.

“Look, you are just confused. Go to sleep. You will feel better in the morning,” Alec told him, as if he was a small child who clearly didn’t know what was best for them because honestly…Alec was not what was best for Jace. He was a Herondale. The whole world could be his. He would not drag him down.

Jace shook his head and just smiled at him as he beckoned, “Alec, come here.”

Alec shook his head, his lips a thin stubborn line, “No.”

Jace sighed, fondness and annoyance in his eyes.

“Come back to me,” Jace repeated, stronger this time, clapping the bed next to him.

“No,” Alec repeated.

“I’m not kidding,” Jace told him, his eyes narrowing in warning.

“You will regret this in the morning. I will regret this in the morning,” Alec insisted, not moving an inch. Fine, Jace would not be grown up about this. Then he would be. Then he would save Jace from making a huge mistake.

Jace sighed and rose from the bed.

“Fine. Be stubborn then!” Jace exclaimed, annoyance but also a hint of excitement in his voice.

There was a predatory look in Jace’s eyes that made Alec want to move and yet which really excited him. He forced himself to stand still. Jace stopped right in front of him, looking him up and down in such detail Alec couldn’t help but shiver. Jace smirked superiorly and Alec again felt like smacking him. Before Alec had time to react Jace’s eyes lit up golden to indicate he had activated his angelic powers and was using his runes. Before he had time to think why Jace would need his runes Jace had picked him up, bridal style and was carrying him towards the bed.

“Jace! What are you doing?!” Alec protested, moving his legs frantically to be put down, ignoring the fact that he really liked how Jace was holding him and how easily he could carry him and how safe he felt and…. _stop it!_ Alec mentally told himself.

Jace threw him down on the bed and Alec quickly turned around so he was on his back. He felt a hint of fear but mostly excitement as Jace before he had time to move laid on top of him, forcing him to spread his legs so he was laying between them.

“There is apparently only one way to shut you up!” Jace smirked down at him as he took his hands above his head and held them there with one strong grip around his wrists.

The grip on his wrists was slightly painful but somehow it just made it more hot to know Jace wanted him so much. Before Alec could think what that meant, what any of it meant, not that there was much brain power left in him with Jace’s muscular and hard body pressing down on him, Jace claimed his lips. The kiss, their first, was everything Alec had dreamt of. Jace tasted of toothpaste and the unique taste that was just him. His kiss was like him; strong and unyielding yet attentive and all consuming. Alec melted under it, wanting more, opening his mouth when Jace’s tongue demanded access. Soon Alec was moaning wantonly into Jace’s mouth, forgetting everything other than this feeling.

“How was that? Everything you dreamed of?” Jace asked with an arrogant smirk when he pulled back, looking down at Alec’s dazed expression, still holding his wrists together one handed above his head, not that much was needed to do that as Alec hadn’t fought to get him off in any way.

“Wow…that was….” Alec admitted, licking his lips to taste more of him, feeling almost drunk with the sensations and already impossibly hard, just from a kiss but not just any kiss; a kiss from the man he had loved since he had been 12 years old.

“That’s literally the most amazing reaction anyone has ever had to being kissed by me. I could get used to it,” Jace said seductively as he kissed him again, hard and possessive.

This time when Jace pulled back Alec fought to clear the fog from his brain and get the silly smile off his face. Jace would surely he able to feel his erection. Was this all a game?

“I…. I should…” Alec got out, fighting to find his voice but not fighting to get up, not really wanting to even though his brain said he should.

“Do you love me?” Jace asked him seriously, looking down at him.

“Yes,” Alec admitted, not seeing a reason to deny that now after the way he had reacted to just being kissed by him.

“Do you trust me?” Jace asked.

Alec nodded, “Yes.”

“Do you want me?” Jace went on, his look on him intense.

Alec considered not replying but Jace moved his hips just right, moving over his erection in his boxers, making him gasp at the sensation and he knew there was really no reason to deny it any longer. From Jace’s arrogant smirk Alec also knew he knew but just wanted Alec to say it; damn bastard.

“Always,” Alec conceded.

Jace smirked at him as he ordered with a wide smile, “Then shut up and do as you’re told.”

Jace let go of his wrists and moved down his body, pulling off his boxers. Before Alec had time to feel embarrassed about being the only one naked here Jace took his already impossibly hard cock into his warm mouth and Alec felt like his brain exploded.

“Fuck!” Alec got out and instictvely wanted to reach out and touch Jace.

Jace pulled off his cock as he ordered, “Reach up and hold on to the bed posts.”

Before Alec had time to think, Jace took his cock into his mouth again, licking at the tip before moving his tongue up and down.

Alec moaned wantonly as he got out, “Jace.”

Jace pulled off his cock and gave him a warning look as he ordered, “Do it.”

Alec would have done anything at this point if Jace kept sucking him. He quickly reached up and held on to the bedposts. Jace gave him an approving nod before he went down on him again, taking him further than he thought would have been possible.

“Fuck! Jace,” Alec moaned, fighting not to press up and into his mouth.

Jace pulled off his cock for a moment and smirked at him, seeing the dazed look on his face.

“I bet you will look amazing coming apart under me,” Jace told him and Alec was torn between wanting to smack him and beg him to never stop what he was doing. He had a feeling he would be feeling that a lot with Jace.

Jace might not have had any male lovers before, as far as Alec knew at least, but damn; he had a wicked tongue and a sexual freedom and desire to experiment and tease that meant he very quickly had Alec on the edge. Though considering Alec had fantasized and masturbated to just this scenario for years it didn’t take him very long at all to reach the edge.

“Fuck! Jace!” Alec screamed, trying to warn him but that was all he managed to say as he came into Jace’s mouth, his orgasm intensified when Jace didn’t pull back but instead managed to swallow it all.

Alec fell back against the pillow, a stupid smile on his lips, endorphins flooding his system, making him feel high, his body feeling light and boneless. He hadn’t felt this relaxed, this good, in ages.

“Yep. You do look amazing when you come,” Jace told him with a smirk as he licked his lips and grinned down at him.

“That was…wow,” Alec managed to say and was proud of himself he managed to say that much.

Jace grinned at him and touched his right hip, sitting up between his legs.

“I should have done this ages ago. The way you look at me….” Jace said with a huge grin on his face.

“How do I look at you?” Alec asked lazily.

“Like I’m a God or something,” Jace admitted, smiling.

“Sorry,” Alec said, not sure what else to say, still feeling high.

“Don’t be. I’m arrogant enough to love it,” Jace said told, grinned at him.

Alec snorted, “I bet.”

Jace looked down at him for a few moments, lazily touched his hipbone and then moving his hand up his stomach and chest and down again.

“I want to be inside of you,” Jace told him with a smile and Alec was reminded that Jace hadn’t come.

The very thought made Alec’s cock twitch in interest; if he had fantasized about Jace’s mouth he had dreamt what it would be like if Jace would fuck him. The thought alone was enough to make heat coil in his stomach.

“Oh, yes!” Alec agreed at once, nodding to emphasize his words.

Jace laughed fondly, “You are so eager.”

Alec blushed, embarrassed, “Sorry.”

“No, I like it. Say more,” Jace demanded, moving up to steal a quick but hard kiss before he went back to touch his thighs, his fingers moving to his slowly reawaking cock, down his balls, towards his opening.

“I…” Alec started to say, blushing, not sure what to say.

“Alec, tell me you want this. I want to hear it,” Jace told him, his voice firm, giving him a stern look tempered by affection and arousal.

Alec swallowed his pride and said what he felt, feeling his own arousal grow by saying it, “I want you. Please.”

Jace closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the words as if they were a caress.

“Fuck, that’s so hot!” Jace told him when he looked into his eyes again.

Alec smiled back before nodding to the nightstand next to them.

“Lube. In the top drawer,” he told him.

Jace grinned as he rose and got it before standing at the end of the bed, looking down at Alec with heat in his gaze.

“Always the boy scout,” Jace teased.

“Anarchist,” Alec gave back.

“And you love it,” Jace told him as he put some lube on his right hand, coating his fingers.

“I do,” Alec agreed and his eyes grew impossibly dark when he saw Jace reach down towards him with the hand he had coated in lube. He knew what sensation would follow but still, when he felt Jace press a single finger into him, it was like fireworks going off inside his mind.

“I….Fuck!” Alec moaned, leaning his head again against the sensation of having something inside of him after quite a while of not doing anything like this. The fact that this was Jace doing it made the feeling so much more intense, like fire inside of him.

“Oh, the look on your face. I could almost come from that alone,” Jace told him heatedly.

Alec moaned as Jace moved the finger in and out of him before adding a second, stretching him.

“Shit! Jace….” Alec got out, getting hard not only from what Jace was doing but from knowing what would follow.

“Let’s see if I can….yes, there,” Jace said with a satisfied smile as he found that spot inside of Alec that made him go all gooey under him.

“Fuck!” Alec got out when Jace found his prostate as he fucked him with his fingers.

“More?” Jace teased.

 _Fucking bastard_ , Alec thought with no small amount of fondness.

“Yes, more, please. Fuck yes,” Alec got out as Jace kept fucking him with his fingers, hitting just the right spot inside of him.

“Tell me you like it,” Jace demanded as he added a third finger, enjoying seeing the completely out of it look on Alec’s face.

“Yes, yes! I like it. Please,” Alec rambled, unsure what he was even saying, just knowing he wanted more, he never wanted Jace to stop what he was doing.

Jace kept fucking him for a few more minutes, enjoying how Alec was withering under him, moaning and begging. Feeling he was ready Jace pulled his fingers back and quickly got out of his boxers and put a generous amount of lube on his cock.

“Ready for me?” Jace asked as he positioned himself at Alec’s opening, waiting to push in before he was sure Alec was ready.

“I have been waiting for this for years,” Alec admitted impatiently.

“Is that a yes?” Jace teased.

Alec rolled his eyes at him.

“For fuck’s sake, Jace!” Alec complained.

“That wasn’t very polite, now was it?” Jace mocked, pushing the tiniest bit in before pulling back out, driving Alec mad.

“Please just fuck me already!” Alec got out.

Jace laughed.

“God, I love you!” he told him as he finally pushed in all the way, knowing what Alec wanted.

“Fuck! Yes!” Alec got out, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

Feeling Jace inside of him; it was amazing. He had never felt anything like it. He almost came when Jace lost control of the parabatai bond on his side and Alec was assaulted with both his own and Jace’s sensations and from Jace’s expression he knew he felt it too. For a moment it was like they got lost inside each other, inside each other’s soul. For a moment Alec ‘felt’ a darkness, a shadow, inside of Jace. In his mind’s eye that shadow looked like Jonathan. The illusion looked frightened at seeing him. In his mind’s eye Alec did a hand wave in annoyance of that darkness that had invaded his parabatai and it disappeared in a mental scream, banished back to Hell where it belonged. Satisfied that his parabatai was free, whole, their souls now finally fully connected, Alec’s soul returned to his body again and the sensations from Jace’s side of their lovemaking subsided a little as their stronger, firmer, more complete bond settled into place.

“God, you’re so tight,” Jace marveled as he fucked into Alec in a hard and quick rhythm, fighting to hold on, overcome by the echoes of warmth and light Alec’s soul touching his had brought him.

The darkness from his resurrection had gone, banished by his complete connection with his parabatai, not standing a chance against the onslaught of his parabatai’s soul shielding and protecting his own.

The combination of being fully connected to Jace, their souls truly one, their bodies one, his fantasy fulfilled…it was too much for Alec. He couldn’t last. Everything was overwhelming.

“I….Fuck, I think I will come again,” Alec got out, panting hard, pushing down to meet Jace on each of his thrusts, moaning when Jace found his prostate on each thrust.

“Fuck, I won’t last long,” Jace warned as he pulled out and then pushed forcefully back in.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Alec urged him on, his cock dripping pre-come.

“Can you come like that? Just from me being inside of you? That would be **so** hot,” Jace told him in a voice filled with dark desire.

Alec nodded even though it had never happened before. He wanted to do it for Jace and thought he might just be able to do that, feeling so overwhelmed and sensitive from everything going on.

“Go faster, harder! Please!” Alec pleaded, needing a bit more to be pushed over the edge untouched; he was close but not quite there.

“Fuck, yes!” Jace got out as he compiled, fucking him harder and faster, sweat running down his forehead and dripping onto Alec’s stomach.

“More, please!” Alec got out, moaning when Jace hit his prostate on each increasingly hard thrust.

“I don’t want to…” Jace told him, worry in his voice.

“I won’t break, Jace. More! Please!” Alec told him, his words filled with desire and need.

Seeing he meant it Jace stopped holding back and began fucking into him in earnest, pulling out only to push forcefully back in, almost moving Alec’s body with each thrust, digging his nails painfully into Alec’s hips to keep him in place.

“Fuck! Yes!” Jace got out as he fucked him the way he had always dreamt of; fast and hard, not holding back, giving him everything he had and then some, his hands leaving clear bruises, his nails drawing blood on Alec’s hips.

“Fuck!” Alec got out, moaning, enjoying the feeling of Jace letting go, not holding back, claiming him as his in the most primal way.

“Yes!” Jace mumbled heated as he kept fucking him, enjoying the way he was meeting him thrust for thrust.

“I’m… I’m close,” Alec warned, feeling himself close to the edge.

“I want to see you come for me like this. Show me how much you love me, how much you want this,” Jace got out as he pulled out only to slam forcefully back into him.

“Fuck!” Alec screamed as he came for the second time, feeling dark spots dance before his eyes for a moment at the intensity of his orgasm.

“Shit! You look so amazing like that,” Jace told him, feeling his own orgasm drawing near by feeling Alec’s body tense around him and seeing the fucked out look on his face.

“Come inside me,” Alec begged, smiling stupidly from the endorphins in his system, feeling high and floaty, tightening his muscles as well in an attempt to help Jace get off.

“Fuck! Yes!” Jace screamed as he pushed in to the hilt and came explosively inside of him.

Jace used his angelic powers to activate his stamina rune to ensure he didn’t collapse on Alec, the sensations overwhelming. He pulled out of him, trying to be careful. Alec winced a bit as he did so but was still giving him a silly smile, not moving, feeling boneless and satisfied.

Knowing how Alec was about cleanliness Jace went to the bathroom and found a washcloth, put water on it and cleaned first Alec and then himself. He threw the cloth into the sink before he went back to bed. He lay next to Alec, popping himself up on one elbow and looking down at him, smiling lazily as he stroked his cheek.

“That was….” Alec got out, still feeling wowed by it all.

“As good as you have dreamed of?” Jace teased.

“Better,” Alec said happily.

“I don’t know why I waited so long to do this. I mean the rule against parabatai being together was disbanded last year and the Clave is even starting to accept same-sex relationships after your very public coming out scene,” Jace reflected.

“It was likely just not right for you before now,” Alec said, always willing to make excuses for him.

“I have never had a lover literally worship me like you do,” Jace told him honestly, smiling joyfully, his eyes shining with affection down at him.

Alec blushed and looked away, embarrassed. “Sorry.”

Jace took a gentle hand on his chin and turned his face back so he was looking at him again.

“Alec, I told you already. I love that. I really **really** love it!” Jace assured him, smiling at him.

“Thank you,” Alec said because he was unsure what else to say.

“I bruised you a bit,” Jace said apologetically, waving a hand towards Alec’s hips.

Alec couldn’t be bothered to look but just smiled more before admitting a bit shyly, “I like it.”

“You like having marks from my fingers on your hips?” Jace asked amused.

“Yes,” Alec admitted, blushing a bit. “Is that weird?”

“I don’t know. I don’t care. I think it’s hot,” Jace told him honestly, grinning boyishly.

“Ok,” Alec said with a smile.

“I love that you don’t break,” Jace confessed, playing with Alec’s hair.

“What do you mean?” Alec asked, and thought if he had been a cat he would be purring right now.

“I’ve always wanted to be able to pound into my lovers like I did with you but I was mindful of them. They were soft and fragile and should be protected. You’re strong enough to take it and what’s more….you love it,” Jace admitted, smirking. Then he paused before adding with a hint of doubt, “Didn’t you?”

Alec smiled at him before he reassured him, “Yes.”

Jace grinned and kissed him, the kiss brief, hard and hot.

“Why?” Jace asked curiously when he drew back.

“I don’t know,” Alec admitted. “It makes me feel like you really want me. It makes me feel desired.”

“I love you. You know that, right?” Jace asked him fondly as he kissed Alec’s forehead tenderly, affectionately.

“I am starting to,” Alec admitted, blushing at the sweet and romantic gesture.

Jace smiled, “Good.”

Jace moved so he could be under the covers and then pulled Alec close so his head was on his shoulder, covering his body with the blanket. He started stroking Alec’s hair and occasionally kissing the top of his head, holding him warm and safe and close. Jace didn’t think he had ever felt so at peace as he did now and Alec had never felt more at home as he did at this moment.

“You haven’t asked me,” Alec asked softly then, drawing invisible patterns on Jace’s chest with a finger.

“About?” Jace asked softly.

“What I was about to do….the scars on my thighs,” Alec admitted.

“I didn’t need to. I know what you were doing,” Jace told him.

Alec lifted his head from his shoulder and looked surprised at him, “You know?”

Jace nodded, his expression grim and serious as he told him, “Your tendency for self-harm is not precisely something anyone who knows you can avoid seeing. I might not have known about the scars but the overtraining and not healing your injuries…those were pretty obvious.”

Alec blushed and looked away. “Oh.”

Jace put a hand on his cheek and tenderly turned him back to look at him.

“But in the future come to me instead,” Jace told him.

“I don’t think you will understand,” Alec admitted, blushing even more.

“Do you feel like doing it now?” Jace asked, looking intensely at him.

Alec thought about it. He had before but now? No, not now. Being here with Jace, feeling Jace so completely, as if their parabatai bond had finally settled into a complete and all-consuming bond…he didn’t feel alone any longer. He felt safe. He felt like he could do anything.

Alec shook his head, smiling, “No.”

“So next time come to me,” Jace told him and moved his hand to the back of his neck, pulling him close and into a tender kiss.

“And what? You will fuck it out of me?” Alec asked amused as they pulled apart.

Jace grinned but then nodded, “If that works then yes. I can give you what you need. Everything you need. Also that. That’s one of the reasons you love the bruises I gave you.”

Alec thought about it. Yes, maybe it was why. Because he loved Jace, he knew he would take care of him in all ways; for once not being alone. For once having someone to take care of him.

“I guess,” Alec admitted a bit shyly.

“Alec, stop talking around the issue and promise me you will come to me for help before it gets too crowded inside that big brain of yours. I mean it, parabatai,” Jace said seriously, his voice firm, the command in it making Alec look at him.

“I promise,” Alec told him seriously.

Jace grinned and released his hold on him.

“Good boy,” Jace said in a teasing tone.

Alec smiled ruefully, “I’m not a dog.”

Jace smiled back at that.

“But you are still mine,” Jace told him, a confirmation yet also a question in the words.

“Yes, I am,” Alec confirmed with a smile.

Jace relaxed; unaware he had tensed until Alec had spoken.

“Good,” Jace said happily, satisfied.

“I was always yours,” Alec told him lovingly.

Jace smiled at him, warm and tender, “I know. I think somehow I always knew that. I played with that, used that fact.”

Alec shrugged, having forgiven him that a long time ago as he replied, “I know.”

“But now….Now that you are truly mine, in all ways….Now I appreciate it. I have never been a God in anyone’s eyes; I have never been perfect in anyone’s mind. With you….You make me feel flawless,” Jace told him honestly, tenderly.

“I know logically you aren’t, now as I am older, but you still seem like that to me. Perfect. Unreachable,” Alec told him; looking at him with just that same level of admiration, awe and adoration he had always done which stole Jace’s breath.

“Not unreachable any longer,” Jace told him affectionately as he stroked his cheek.

Alec took his hand and looking into his eyes, he took it to his lips and kissed it tenderly.

“No, not any longer. I am the most fortunate man in the world,” Alec told him lovingly, making Jace smile.

“No, I am. I can guarantee you that I am. Every other man in this world or any world really, would die or kill to have a lover who looks at them with the same level of adoration as you are looking at me right now. As you have always looked at me,” Jace told him honestly.

“I love you. Always,” Alec told him as he leaned close, his lips inches from his.

“I love you too. Always, Alec. Always mine!” Jace told him, his voice filled with love, need, possession and tenderness. The kiss was filled with all of those things and so much more.

“Always yours,” Alec confirmed affectionately as they pulled apart and Alec snuggled close to him again, his head on his shoulder, smiling contently against Jace’s broad chest.

Jace closed his arms around his parabatai, holding him close and safe and warm. Alec had saved Jace from his darkness, from his demons. Now, starting tomorrow, Jace would save Alec from his. He would help him run the Institute, he would use his Herondale name to get the Clave off his back, and he would protect Alec, see to it he was never again in pain, alone or harassed in any way. They had the rest of their lives together and starting tomorrow Jace would make sure to show Alec that he was as much adored in Jace’s mind as Jace was in his. Alec had sacrificed so much for so many for so long. Starting tomorrow Jace would shoulder those burdens with him, would see him safe and secure and forever protected within his love. Always.

They fell asleep in each other’s arms, smiling, content and happy, knowing they had each other and that was all they had really ever wanted or needed. Finally together, one soul, one heart, one being. The way it had always been meant to be; together now, tomorrow and for the rest of time.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos would mean the world to me so if you liked it please let me know :)  
> If you liked this story you might like my Magnus/Alec/Jace series "Loving Alexander" which have some of the same themes as this one: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1568293  
> Or another Jalec fic I wrote called "People Throw Rocks At Things That Shine": https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434570


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